Tannen's article was incredibly interesting, and I have never thought of conversation being used to establish solidarity or dominance. The information in the article actually helps me understand how a lot of miscommunication happens in conversation. I though the example of the woman asking a man she works with, "Where's your coat?" and he replies, "Thanks, Mom." was an excellent example of how intent is miscommunicated. She was attempting to show solidarity, or caring for him as a peer, and he felt like she was being condescending. It's interesting to think that people in general need to work harder to make their intent clear, and less ambiguous.
It's interesting that there is such ambiguity between establishing power over another, as opposed to building rapport. It was also a fascinating example of the person who's friend is always insisting on paying for dinner. The friend is either being generous and "showing solidarity" or establishing power by showing they have more money, and it's nearly impossible to tell. Most people feel that they must reciprocate every nice thing that someone does for them. For example, if someone has their friends over for dinner, most of the time the friends want to reciprocate. In a way, it is showing that most people do not want to be in a subordinate position. It's funny that our language even reflects our attitude that we don't want to "owe" somebody something.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
"Complimenting--A Positive Politeness Strategy" by Janet Holmes Blog #9
I agree with the author's findings in this article wholeheartedly. I find that compliments often put people at ease, and it's not unusual for a compliment to spark up an entire conversation. I thought her ideas on compliments not always being considered so polite was very interesting. Holmes' example of the Pakeha woman giving a necklace to the Samoan friend was a great example, and it reminded me of something that happened to me not too long ago. I complimented a woman at church on her necklace, and she took it right off and gave it to me. I felt very awkward, mainly because my intention was truly just to compliment the necklace. I wasn't saying it because I wanted it, and I undestand why that can be off-putting.
I also agree with her notion of compliments between intimates not being received well among other people. I have five sisters, and there are things we "compliment" each other on that I wouldn't say to another person. If my sister told me, "Wow, your skin is looking really clear!", I would just thank her. But, if someone I didn't know so well said the same thing, I would probably be a little offended because of the implication that, at one point, they thought otherwise.
I also agree with her notion of compliments between intimates not being received well among other people. I have five sisters, and there are things we "compliment" each other on that I wouldn't say to another person. If my sister told me, "Wow, your skin is looking really clear!", I would just thank her. But, if someone I didn't know so well said the same thing, I would probably be a little offended because of the implication that, at one point, they thought otherwise.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
"I'm Sorry, I'm Not Apologizing"--Tannen, Blog #6
This article was almost humorous to me because I realized how often myself and those I interact with use apologizing incorrectly. "I'm sorry" truly has become a conversation smoother, rather than an actual apology. I noticed I tend to do this a lot, and I have in the past ended up taking blame for things I wasn't responsible for. More importantly, I have used this in conversation and it hindered my ability to fully communicate my thoughts.
I was reminded of an experience where I apologized to someone that was actually apologizing to me. They had done something very hurtful, and when I realized that they were remorseful and trying to apologize, instead of acknowledging the fact that I was, in fact, upset, I apologized for their remorse. I remember being frustrated after because I had been hurt, and I wasn't entirely "over it" yet, and I felt like I didn't get to communciate exactly how upset I was. I should've been comfortable for their remorse for something wrong they did.
I think "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" really have become space fillers, like "you know", "um", and sighs, etc. We must be careful not to "over apologize", because it seems to communicate a sense of low self-esteem and low worth. Self-deprecation, as Tannen states, can even be seen as apologizing when "I'm sorry" is never uttered. It's interesting to me that self-deprecation and negative comments about oneself can be taken as an apology. That fact shows that apologizing can be associated with weakness and low self-value, which is why "over-apologizing" should be avoided.
I was reminded of an experience where I apologized to someone that was actually apologizing to me. They had done something very hurtful, and when I realized that they were remorseful and trying to apologize, instead of acknowledging the fact that I was, in fact, upset, I apologized for their remorse. I remember being frustrated after because I had been hurt, and I wasn't entirely "over it" yet, and I felt like I didn't get to communciate exactly how upset I was. I should've been comfortable for their remorse for something wrong they did.
I think "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" really have become space fillers, like "you know", "um", and sighs, etc. We must be careful not to "over apologize", because it seems to communicate a sense of low self-esteem and low worth. Self-deprecation, as Tannen states, can even be seen as apologizing when "I'm sorry" is never uttered. It's interesting to me that self-deprecation and negative comments about oneself can be taken as an apology. That fact shows that apologizing can be associated with weakness and low self-value, which is why "over-apologizing" should be avoided.
"Interaction: The Work Women Do"--Fishman Blog #5
I never considered the idea of adding suffixes to positions (i.e. stewardess, actress) as evidence of a male-dominated society and language. However, it is extremely interesting and it is becoming more and more obvious to me that English is truly bent toward males. I also thought it was interesting that men are referred to more by their last name and women are referred to more by their first, even though they may hold the same rank. It's strange how many hidden and underlying signals there are in the English language and in society that show the power given to the male gender.
I also think Fishman does a good job at explaining why questions are so common in language. I found it interesting that we often form our comments into questions because questions generally ellicit a response. If we didn't "ask questions", the conversation would generally fail. The notion of "attention beginnings" was an eye-opener for me, and I found that I do this very often in conversations. Furthermore, the explanation of "minimal responses" was interesting, and from my point-of-view, extremely accurate. Men often use them and a lack of interest is displayed, whereas women may use them to show they are listening or to "support" the conversation. I thought it was funny that this is so common in my conversations with my husband. I tend to get irritated or frustrated when I'm telling a story or explaining something and he doesn't encourage me to elaborate or go on. On the other hand, I feel it necessary to "support" his end of the conversation and continue to show my interest.
I also think Fishman does a good job at explaining why questions are so common in language. I found it interesting that we often form our comments into questions because questions generally ellicit a response. If we didn't "ask questions", the conversation would generally fail. The notion of "attention beginnings" was an eye-opener for me, and I found that I do this very often in conversations. Furthermore, the explanation of "minimal responses" was interesting, and from my point-of-view, extremely accurate. Men often use them and a lack of interest is displayed, whereas women may use them to show they are listening or to "support" the conversation. I thought it was funny that this is so common in my conversations with my husband. I tend to get irritated or frustrated when I'm telling a story or explaining something and he doesn't encourage me to elaborate or go on. On the other hand, I feel it necessary to "support" his end of the conversation and continue to show my interest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)