"Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers" by Deborah Tannen

I found this article to be strikingly similar to my own life experiences. I have found that the author was absolutely right about a woman's tendency to pick up on "metamessages" rather than what is concretely said in a conversation. I got to speak to my husband about this article, and he agreed as well. It's interesting that couples are constantly arguing and discussing how they argue and discuss, rather than the actual issue at hand. I can't count the times I've said to my husband, "It wasn't what you said, it was how you said it."

I also think it's interesting that the author partly attributes this to the way we were conditioned as we grew up. She says that girls play mostly with other girls and vice versa with boys. I grew up the oldest girl with four younger sisters, and two brothers. We considered our house a "girl" house, and all of our "communicating" and open emotions probably did cause me to become more attuned to hidden meaning in conversation. I am constantly telling my husband that tone of voice, inflection, facial expression, and body language mean everything in a conversation. Whereas, more practically speaking, he'd rather me listen to what he was actually saying instead of the way he is saying it.

The other thing I thought was interesting was the difference between what men and women consider "listening". Head nods, "mmm-hmms" and "yeah's" mean "Yes, I'm listening" to a women but they may mean "I agree with you" to a man. This has truly opened my eyes! It makes so much sense why a man may seem more unresponsive while a woman is explaining something. He is listening, just not necessarily whole-heartedly agreeing yet. It is good for men to understand also that women are expressing that they are listening, not necessarily that they agree.